On Valentine’s Day, as I was perusing Time Out New York looking for something lame romantic to do, I came across a roundup of music-activated sex toys that you can plug an iPod into. It got me to wondering: Just how far does the iPod’s reach extend into our lives? I decided to see how many different ways one can incorporate the iPod into a typical day, and I admit, I was shocked.
It’s 8AM. Your iHome iPod alarm clock gently rouses you from sleep with a thumping rendition of Wham’s Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. As you groove your way out of bed, you grab your iPod from the alarm clock and slip it into your iPod-ready boxer shorts or panties, heading for the bathroom.
In the john, you transfer your iPod from your skivvies to your iCarta toilet paper dispenser so you can rock out on the crapper as you read the latest issue of Macworld. Flush, and you’re ready to clean those pearly whites with your musical toothbrush. While it’s not iPod-compatible, it does play roughly two minutes of songs like We Will Rock You by Queen. A real iPod toothbrush can’t be far behind.
Time to scrub away the previous night’s partying. Grabbing the iPod from the TP dispenser-dock, you fire up the shower and shove your iPod into your iPod shower radio with fog-free mirror. Ignoring your neighbors’ insistent reminders that the shower is not a karaoke bar, you croon along with Bobby Darin until you’re all clean and ready for action. The iPod goes into a fresh pair of iBoxers, and it’s time to dress for success.
You pick out a versatile outfit for the day, including an iPod t-shirt and a dress shirt and tie from Thomas Pink–each of which have compartments specifically for iPods. Then you slip on your iPod-controlling jacket, and you’re on your way to work so you can afford your iPod accessory habit.
You get your James Brown on while you annoy the crap out of your fellow commuters ride the bus or train to work and then put in a solid day at the office–thanks partly to the portable iPod speaker/dock on your desk. At the end of the day, your commute home is blissfully groovy, thanks to a little Prince and some noise-isolating headphones.
Arriving home, you kick off your shoes and make another quick iPod switch as you plop down in your iChair for a little R&R (rock and relaxation, natch). After a few refreshing tunes, your stomach begins to make some noise of its own, so you head into the kitchen for some chow. Snatching your iPod out of the iChair, you sprint into the kitchen and jam it into your under-cabinet iPod dock so you only miss a beat or two while you cook.
Once your post-dinner food coma wears off, you’ve got a little nightlife on your mind. You cruise down to the local pub in your Mini Cooper, being sure to bring your iBreath iPod breathalyzer so you can keep a digital eye on your drinking, especially after tying one pretty hard the other night. Luckily, it’s got a built-in FM transmitter too, so you can continue enjoying those Lindsey Lohan tracks in your car.
A couple of drinks and a few lame conversations later, you and a new friend head back to your place (after a quick blow into the iBreath to be sure you’re cool to drive) for a nightcap… and maybe a little lovin’. What better way to impress your lover than with iPod sex toys? The Talk2Me is one hot little number that comes with a wireless transmitter so you can incorporate your iPod into your lusty late-night moves. (Just make sure you turn off shuffle mode–nothing’s more embarrassing than having a vibrator buzzing along to P-Funk, and then all of a sudden Barry Manilow comes on.)
At the very end of the night, as you drift off to sleep, you quietly slip your iPod into your Australian New Zealand-designed Pause bed, complete with iPod dock and Bose speaker system. A little Enya carries you off to dreamland with the security of knowing that your iPod is close by, charged up and ready for the weekend.
I wonder how much connectivity is too much. Sure, we’re all music lovers to some extent, but the iPod seems to have reached disturbingly far into our lives. It’s getting kind of creepy–though not as creepy as the idea of having a subdermal iPod so you can bop along no matter what else you happen to be doing (except crossing the street, of course).
Uh-oh… I think I left my iPod in the john.
While you are totally right about things possibly going to far, I think a lot of this is just a testament to how well the iPod has been able to integrate into people’s lives and also how adaptable the platform is. I think in moderation, any of these wacky devices are okay (well, almost any) but it is definitely forseeable and people can go overboard and get totally out of touch. Especially once they start to use the iPod when walking around indoors after removing it from their iPod-enabled BMW.
Heh. Yeah, it’s fun to see a couple walking together or sitting on the subway, each with iPods plugged into their ears. Reminds me of cell phones… no wonder there’s a convergence there… Seems like people will take any opportunity to be rude to each other without noticing it. Ah, the disconnect of it all. ;)
A late iPod convery myself, I have not a ton of iPod-specific extenders or clothes with special compartments. However, as I begin go see more and more “iPod” pockets in purse’s, jackats, bags, etc., it’s clear what a mainstay the little music players have become in our lives. However, I can say quite earnestly that I learned about no less than 7 iPod products I didn’t know existing through reading your posting –and laughed out loud no less than 5 times. Thanks for some fun Friday reading.
the ipod is the devil:
-its over priced
-its accessories are over priced
P.S. the greatest MP3 player ever, a laptop, plays videos, allows web browsing, email, IM and has the best games.
Get it right… Design Mobel is a New Zealand company, not an Australian one… that’s like confusing the Scottish with the English, or Americans with Canadians - he says from his iPod induced sensory deprivation coma….
iPeed myself laughing.
>>P.S. the greatest MP3 player ever, a laptop, plays videos, allows web browsing, email, IM and has the best games.
You’re an idiot.
@bob
You must have very deep pockets sir
Crap, you’re so right about the New Zealand thing. My Australian roommate has pneumonia, I brain sharted. He forgave me, so hopefully all you readers will too. You’d think the “.nz” URL would’ve woken me from my mental slumber.
-mk
The alarm clock does not actually start the ipod playing at a certain time, it has a charging dock and hookup to play the ipod thru the alarm clock’s speakers. I have one and figured that out AFTER I got it. :(
Actually, Charles, you’re quite wrong. I have an iHome myself and the iHome *does* start the iPod playing. The sound comes through the iPod’s Dock connection, not a separate hookup. The Dock connection is for both sound, control, and power.
Just to clarify my above post, the line-in is for supporting players that *don’t* have the 30-pin iPod Dock connector.
You can set your ipod to start playing at a certain time - that’s how it works with EXTERNAL speakers! Having it on the alarm clock unit would be a redundancy.
How about, a Minority Report style of living where your home senses where in the building you are and is able to play music in your current location or provide lighting, thus removing even the need for bringing the ipod anywhere? at least while your at home!
It really shows you how crazy this IPod thing is getting, utilities for everything. IPods are one of the worst investments, along with Zune. You should buy an ordinary mp3 player that has features that you want, rather then limiting yourself to the fashionable ipod which is severely limited in form and function.
i think that is the hottest pic ever. i cam and didn’t even get hard.
You forgot OhMiBod http://www.ohmibod.com/
This cracked me!! Awesome column!!