We at CG like two things: touching ourselves and beer. Some of us like the latter more than the former, or vice versa, but as my friend Rolf once proved — after getting completely hammered, passing out on a couch at a party and later being discovered naked and pleasuring himself just as things were closing up — these two hobbies taste great together.

To that end, we offer Mr. Beer. Mr. Beer is a beer-making kit for dummies. You buy the bucket and a can of beer flavoring, pour in some sugar and a special booster pack, add yeast, and wait. A few weeks later, you bottle the beer, add a little sugar, close up the bottles, and a week later you have 2 gallons of fresh, homemade beer that tastes 100% than almost any store bought variety. I love Mr. Beer and I made quite a few batches until I started to make wine. Now, however, I just picked up a new set of brews — the Cowboy IPA is really nice — and am totally ready to start up again.

The best part? Once you get up to speed, you never have to leave your house for a beer run, allowing you to enjoy self-pleasure all the more. Ain’t telecommuting grand?

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