Huzzah! After years of keeping its shining light under a bushel, AT&T has finally come out as the biggest, hottest multi-sexual phone carrier in all the world! Have a phone! Use it on AT&T! ConAir! Motorola! GE! An old rotary phone from Grandma’s! Hook it up to AT&Ts wireless network and get calls from Jesus and dead loved ones!

That is, if you believe this hype-filled lump that just came out in USA Today. In an odd amalgam of failed reporting and absolute lies. AT&T is basically saying “We’re a GSM carrier” which the writer, Leslie Cauley took to mean “We are aliens from space here to impregnate humans and create a new master race of cybernetic mutants, and you, my dear Leslie, are the first in line. You will be given a diamond palace in outer space where we will seduce you with the finest Godiva chocolates and then make you empress of Earth.” As a result, she wrote a story that said:

“You can use any handset on our network you want,” says Ralph de la Vega, CEO of AT&T’s wireless business. “We don’t prohibit it, or even police it.”

and

AT&T for years kept quiet the fact that wireless customers had the option of using devices and applications other than those offered by AT&T. But now salespeople in AT&T phone stores will make sure that consumers “know all their options” before making a final purchase.

Verizon opening its network, for whatever its worth, is news because it runs hardware specific CDMA. AT&T, a GSM carrier that uses SIM cards to identify subscribers, not handsets, was news in 1987.

AT&T flings cellphone network wide open [USAToday]