Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg isn’t afraid of the iPhone or Google or nobody. He can lick anybody in this place. Anybody. You hear me, yuppie? Get outta here before Ivan Seidenberg punches your lights out.

Hey, Ivan Seidenberg’s company experienced growth of 5.8 percent, right? And it kicked that bitch OUT for stealing his money. And Ivan Seidenberg is all like “Steve Jobs has no monopoly on innovation” and he’s also claiming he’s ready to own all of Verizon and not share it with Vodafone. Then he said:

“In the long term, my view is that we’re the hunter. That’s the way I see it, and I’m trying to develop a new generation of hunters.”

And then he passed out in the bathroom.