Greenwich Time, the newspaper for denizens of Greenwich, Connecticut, got to look at the Tesla Roadster and came away awed, if a little empty. Greenwich is a town famous for being the home to many New York millionaires who wish to lay their red, pulsating egg sacs under stately old oaks. Colin Gustafson, a “special correspondent” (read: someone related to one of the editors) rode along with a rich man named Gary Patrick on his first test drive of the Tesla Roadster.

What did this rich man have to say about the car? He was impressed enough to put down $108,000 to buy his own and he really enjoyed going fast while still helping the “environment.”

“We’re in a wealthy area,” Patrick added, “so, while gas prices aren’t as much of an issue, you can still feel like you’re fulfilling your green responsibiltity [sic] and reducing your carbon footprint with a car like this.”

He then proceeded to suck the intestines out of the reporter’s gut and before the Roadster flew into a ditch he unfurled his dark wings and flew into the air towards Hartford. He is now unavailable for comment although he did dropped a gardener’s severed head onto the roof of the Greenwich Post Office, which presumably signifies buyer’s remorse in his dread language.