In this economy, nothing says “I got bailed out” like a Vertu Constellation covered with diamonds. This beautiful cellphone is perfect for calling up old Lehman CEOs to plan a quick golf game and long hunting trips with AIG execs. Priced at who-the-frak-cares, this phone is the piece d’resistance of douchery.

Get the white gold version for him and the yellow gold for her. You’ll thank us.