So Apple is facing opposition to putting up one of its gigantic glass-everywhere stores in one of Washington D.C.’s historic neighborhoods, the complaint being that it’d be too big and too modern to fit in with all the other quaint, cute buildings in the area (see our artist’s rendition above).
I propose, however, that the complaint is a cover-up for a much more massive and sinister conspiracy involving Apple, Satan, and the White House.
If you diligently follow Freemason conspiracy theories you’ll know that the Freemasons, who built Washington D.C., arranged the various main avenues that lead to the White House to form a pentagram, with the bottom point of said pentagram spiking right into the White House itself.
Now from the bottom point of the pentagram, the White House, we can draw a new line directly along Pennsylvania Avenue that will eventually run smack-dab into the location of the proposed Apple store at 1229 Wisconsin Avenue.
We can then mark that point and draw an equidistant line from 1229 Wisconsin Avenue, all the way down M Street NW, directly through the middle of two of the pentagram’s intersections, finally ending up at a mysterious address: an apartment here at 40 L PI NW.
An apartment, we can assume, that serves as a pied-a-terre for none other than Satan himself. Connect the line from Satan’s apartment to the beginning of the Apple line, and they reconnect spikey-style in the middle of the White House.
I’ve taken the liberty of drawing up a map and I’ve taken a StreetView photo of Satan’s apartment, pointing out some interesting information. If you’re from the government or Apple, please don’t contact me as I don’t have any additional information for you. I’m just a mild-mannered gadget reporter with a keen eye for details. Thank you, that is all.
WTF??? I just think that this is just a mistake!
Hilarious! I think you are on to something.
Correction: I think that you are on something. Whatever juice you are sucking on, please ease off man…
I think all the iPhones sold at that store should come preloaded with my FreeMason WinterBoard theme available in cydia .
ROTFLAMO….. best post of the year :)
+10
Other than the entertainment factor of reading this post, I have to ask myself why Apple even has such a building made of glass in that shape?
(for those star trekkies out there)
Its been widely implied that Mr. Gates was the Borg leader, making PC users reliant and deterministic-users of Windows … although its entertaining but its nothing compared to a Borg ship that Mr. Jobs has created. Its cubicle, probably all structured the same, internally, and each of these stores are filled with pre-programmed drones trying to sell you stuff w/ a smile and an apple t-shirt.
go figure.
Why the hell do you have a picture of somebodies residence and then making fun of it, and what the hell does some freemason bulls**t have to do with it.
This is the most ridiculous article I have ever read on here.
“Other than the entertainment factor of reading this post, I have to ask myself why Apple even has such a building made of glass in that shape?”
The glass cube on Fifth Avenue is a skylight and the entrance of the actual store. People entering through the cube descend into the underground store.
http://www.apple.com/retail/fifthavenue/gallery/
WOW… that was awesome!
The Gates name goes very far back, he’s a gate keeper to technology. His father on the board of Planned Parenthood (eugenics?). Most likely related to the current Robert Gates.
Now he’s taking a step back and giving back to all those that put him in a high position, while Jobs gives everyone else the job of remaining hooked on computers.
Mmm, technology, lets insert it in our brains, get chipped (the mark of the beast) and be happy slaves
So beautiful
I’d give the architectural folks what they want and stop worrying about “the Apple Store look.” An Apple Store is an Apple Store and will probably make tons of money for Apple and who knows who may be influenced by it. This is affluent neighborhood we’re talking about.
LMAO!!!
I’m going to start a company called Pear – and sell Mac Rip offs!
I’ll give you $10 for the movie rights to this story. I’ll call it National Treasure, it’s sure to be a big – excuse me, what? “National Treasure” is taken? Then maybe KDark KNight? Steve Jobs is an excentric billionaire industrialist by day, by night he battles evil (most of which – evil that is – resides in Washington DC).
Just from eyeballing it, it appears that triangle formed between the Apple store, White House and Satan’s apartment has the Golden Ratio, giving credit to your story.
What a post…Michale You are genius at hiring “Creative” blogger. watch out !
That is Hilarious! That address is right in the middle of the Hood. If you want to buy some weed, crack or get shot, than 40 L Place, NW is where you want to be. I don’t think Satan has enough balls to live there.
This is Satan speaking. You out’ed me. I’m looking for you, dude.
That’s a complete fabrication. I should know since I designed and built Washington DC as the seat of my power. Beware, now that you know where I am, The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force… OH crap i think I just gave my identity away. BTW I am ISO a boy called Luke. Has anyone see him.
DV
Just not sure why Apple would put a store in D.C. — D.C. has 10% sales tax, which is significantly higher than Virginia and Maryland; which both have stores right on the border of D.C.
DC Sales tax is 5.75% on consumer goods… 10% is just the food and beverage.
OK, those buildings look kinda cool in a times square or michigan avenue/magnificent mile location. But in a historic district? C’mon.
Useless post(s). <— Notice the “s” in between brackets.
HAHAHAHA
loved the post
holy !@$#. Doesn’t Apple even care for a historic place in our nation’s capital? How selfish and insensitive are they?
Wait a minute, isn’t that John Voight’s car?
Love it, laughed at some of the comments just as much as the article….
Please do not change the front of that beautiful historic building in Georgetown DC. Why not take the round “medallion” up at the top of the building and change it out with the Apple logo and make it glow like the apple on the macbookpro lid? Then on the first floor a wide expanse of glass for all to view your space-age design inside the building. Leave the second and third floor facade the same.
Just from eyeballing it, it appears that triangle formed between the Apple store, White House and Satan’s apartment has the Golden Ratio, giving credit to your story.
Then you don’t know what the golden ratio is :)
Hilarious story, thankyou
Love it, laughed at some of the comments just as much as the article….
Other than the entertainment factor of reading this post, I have to ask myself why Apple even has such a building made of glass in that shape?