OK. This is NSFW. Stop reading right now if you’re easily offended. There is no nudity, but we’re going to be talking on some fairly racy subjects but I will keep it clean. Ahem.
So. This is the Sqweel. It is, in a nutshell, a cunnilingus simulator. It consists of a motor, a wheel of pink tongue-like appendages, and a casing. You can close it up and it make it look like a hockey puck for easy transport and you can take it apart for cleaning. It is, if you haven’t gathered, a jam for the ladies.
It has three settings, slow, medium, and high, and my test subject found low to be the most she could take. The little tongues flick merrily away at whatever you point them to but sometimes they get caught up in the foliage, if you catch my meaning. My advice is to stay well shorn and use a bit of lubricant.
Effectiveness? I’d give it a 7 out of 10 where this is pretty much a 10 for her and watching Cops with me is a 1.
We were not able to reach the point of orgasm with this device, but that may be her particular physiology. It is also slightly effective on the male member and can be used, in conjunction with a complex tubing system, as a method to lick many stamps at once.
Bottom Line
Yeah, this thing works. I suspect that results will vary but if you need to add some spice to your self-abuse routine or want to share Uncle Lingus’ Tongues of Fury in the bedroom, go for it. You won’t be disappointed.
“Uncle Lingus’ Tongues of Fury” – LoL
Any plans for male product reviews?
Lol…uncle lingus, savior of the anti-carpet munchers lmfao!!!!
Thanks for the mention of Sqweel – you described it perfectly.
We’ve got a whole bunch of females to review it and one intrepid male too! Hopefully they’ll be live on the LoveHoney site soon for you to take a peek at!
Erm, how did the male use it for stimulation? -_^
I’m guessing he artificially had his salad tossed.
hahahaha
But when can i connect it to my iphone via bluetooth, and have it post updates on my Twitter account? Reaching climax… here it comes… POW! Right in the kisser!
Hilarious post… but interesting device I must say… where is it being sold?
wow.
What a great way to kill your cred. in the tech world. I starting going to this site to actually see developments in tech, latest trends and new hot companies. not really to review porn equipment.
I am sadly disappointed to see this is actually a ‘news article’. i think this may be my last visit to this site. how disappointing.
A bit of fun won’t kill you and might make you loosen up a bit. It’s technically a tech product (pun most definitely intended) and there is a clear warning at the top of the post.
Perhaps you should stick to playing with your iPhone…
Relax, Dave… Get a girlfriend and don’t take things so seriously.
What’s wrong Dave, sand in your vagina?
He most definitely has sand, and an iPhone, in his vagina.
I don’t agree, Dave. I’d consider this a plus for the credibility of the site. Crunchgear has obviously taken into consideration the personal gadgeting needs of its male audience’s female companions. This is a plus in my opinion. I’d like to see some action shots, though.
How long before you can download motion patterns performed by famous porn stars or participate in real-time multiplexed performances? I can see the adult news alerts now – “Dingus Uri Lingus, winner of the industry’s coveted Golden Tongue award, became the first adult video star in history to simultaneously satisfy 1.3 million female customers over Web. His rival, Longer Than Hugh, will try to beat his record next week. Those that missed either live interactive performance can download them for instant replay using the new Tivo for Adults interface.” Users with flaky broadband connections will be given a whole new definition of the phrase coitus interruptus.
Remember the good old days when all you needed was a magazine, a bathroom, and a half hour of your time?
Half-an-hour? I bet your GF wishes she could remember the “good old days” too!
I’m giving her a coupon for a Sqweel this Christmas.
I wonder if it’s Sqweel as in “Sqweel with delight”?
Will you non-journalists not do anything for a buck?
And “real” journalists are better how?
Seriously?
Mike Arrington, where are you? Why are you letting your brand be hammered into the ground like this?
Mike is busy having a sense of humor.
CrunchGear has always blown chunks, and I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t syndicate the feed and allow it to be listed on the main TC site.
go home, mom, you’re drunk
what a great christmas gift!!
Presumably Aer Lingus won’t mind if you carry one in your hand luggage? ;-)
lol it’s been removed from TC and CG homepage
Where is the USB-port … controled by netbook … arrrgh, this might be fun for who is controling this then …
Its like a system blower fan with some baby spoons glued on! DIY!!
October 13, 2009
A day that shall live in infamy.
So many years of hard and unselfish work, sometimes in total darkness, sometimes for hours without a break, and now all men are made obsolete with this new technology.
October 13, 2009
A day that shall live in infamy.
Seriously… what sight am I on? This is ridiculous.
@jeradc, since you can’t “sight” the “sight” your on your might be on the wrong “site”. lol
Goodness gracious me!!! I liked the referral to the stamps, that really got me tickled! I don’t think guys should have to use this all the time, but it could be fun some of the time. Definitely a handy tool for the bedside cabinet for us single ladies though.
Ok, where can I get one of these for my female clients, hehe!
If you use it with a little rubbing compound it is great for getting swirl marks and small scratches off the finish of your car. One must be sure however to get all the rubbing compound off the little flappers before using it in the bedroom or when polishing your shoes.