I’m leaving this image of kittens here for those who don’t want to see the images after the jump. However, this is a $44 Fleshlight (for putting your penis into) with vampire teeth. That’s right – you can recreate all your favorite scenes from your Twilight slashfic in the comfort of your own home, car, or place of worship.
The device is just a Fleshlight with teeth but what a profile this thing has. It looks like a nerdy lamprey. Here’s what the website has to say:
Introducing Succu Dry Sex in a Can from Fleshlight, the world’s first vampire inspired sex toy for men. Take a walk on the dark side and get familiar with this pale brew. But be careful! Though this may feel like love at first bite, make sure you have wood poised to penetrate before you get completely drained! Enjoy to excess to ensure encounters with Succu Dry are A-Positive experience.
Sex in a can: what America is having for dinner.
I wish you had found a way to weave this into the CNN interview…
why do you think they filmed me from the waist up
Wow, I don’t really tune into CrunchGear for this. I think you should start another blog for these toys… maybe CrunchBalls.
we’re all big boys and girls here. If the words “fleshlight succu dry” clearly didn’t warn you off the clicking then we need to go over a few basic facts about procreation.
Go on… I’m listening…
I’m not a prude, but I thought it was a good lead-in to the new blog name idea.
Sometimes I crack myself up!
And sometimes, it is just myself and no one else.
Oh. Ok.Yeah, we’re thinking crotchgear.
I have had it with sex toy coverage too.
BTW – I don’t need to be reminded that “we’re all big boys and girls.” But I would remind CrunchGear that the hubris you demonstrate when you dismiss reader feedback can’t be good for business.
99% of your posts are similarly featured on the other tech blogs, and if distinguishing yourself with sex toys is your “edge” then I can certainly read the same stuff somewhere else. In fact, I think I’ll do that. No need to reply, I won’t be back to read the response.
Hey so go read another blog and shut up about it. No need to brag about your choice to leave.
The need to make a mount for the bottom of your laptop.
only if it’s a mac. then they can add a black turtleneck and the fanboi’s wil be REALLY happy.
+12.
This thing is priceless. I hope it is the only thing future archeologists find.
hahaha I love thinking about what future archeologists will find from today…
At the rate we’re going it’s going to be a lot of glass and plastic boxes that don’t work, along with stuff like this…
Just wanted to complain a bit – this article REALLY doesn’t fit in with “gear, gadgets, and hardware” that crunchgear says it focuses on.
I LOVE CrunchGear – just focus on … well … maybe a bit less on your penis. K? We’re all geeks, we can search for it if we want to.
Just sayin’!
You sure it doesn’t fit in? This is gear that results in hardware…
we’re having a sex gear run recently. maybe it’s the recession. we’re going to cut back in the next few weeks.
Youch.
Hey remember Def Comedy Jam old school.
Bernie Mac’s routine when… he predicted this shiit..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUt6JB-KUBI
watch at 1:05
R.I.P Bernie.
@marztar RE: “Hey remember Def Comedy Jam old school.
Bernie Mac’s routine when… he predicted this shiit..”
I remember watching this…I thought it would never happen, but guess I was wrong! lol
Okay. The ipod dildo was one thing, but this isn’t even tech-related at all.