There’s no shame in wanting to punch a medical epidemic right in its adam’s apple. Punch sickness, not people. That’s what I always say. If your white-hot hatred of Swine Flu still hasn’t tapered off, though, it’s gonna take a lot more than a little virus punching to get you the satisfaction you deserve. Might I suggest — and hear me out – murder? Yes, murder.
Murder via this ultraviolet light wand that looks like a cross between an oversized Wii remote and some sort of sick, twisted adult novelty item that Biggs has yet to review.
The $70 “H1N1 Destroying UV Wand” from Hammacher Schlemmer promises to choke the life out of “99.98% of the H1N1 virus after a five-second exposure when held 3/4″ above the contaminated surface.” And if you think there won’t be any collateral damage, think again. According to the product page:
“Also capable of killing MRSA, mold, and dust mites, the UV-C light penetrates viral and bacterial membranes and destroys their DNA, rendering the microorganisms incapable of reproduction and survival. Unlike liquid disinfectants, UV-C light can sanitize keyboards, upholstered furniture, cell phones, or any delicate surface that harbors germs.”
Yes, that’s right, it destroys DNA. The building blocks of all life, obliterated. Take that Swine Flu. You take that to hell and you don’t come back.
The H1N1 Destroying UV Wand [Hammacher Schlemmer]
makes a great stocking stuffer
This is probably the best product review of the year.
Doug,
Perhaps some of your finest work, ever.
I’d be worried that the .02% you didn’t kill would wait until you settled back into your day to day fascist existence after your genocidal rampage and exact a horrible revenge upon you and yours.
Didn’t anyone see V for Vendetta?
Ya, unfortunately that .02% is still more than enough to kill you(after some repopulating in your body). Also, I’m not sure how much I trust a product whose description calls H1N1, which is a virus, a “microorganism”.
SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
Great, now we have UV resistant H1N1.
@Drone, UV crosslinks thymines in DNA, it’s not something that organisms can evolve to be resistant. Worry more about the 0.02% of virus/bacteria that it didn’t kill.
Actually, I’d be more worried about the little kids who decide to irradiate their sisters/brothers/self. Mmm carcinogenic light…
You can also severely damage your eyes if you look at UV light without protection.