Last week I got a 16GB Creative Zen V Plus, the first flash-based MP3 player to move past the 8GB mark (aside from players with microSD card slots). And we’ll be seeing a 16GB iPod nano before the holidays. Aside from simply holding more songs, more flash means those tiny players can hold bigger and better-sounding digital files, which is right on time for the glut of DRM-free 256Kbps digital downloads from online sources like Wal-Mart and iTunes — and now Universal and Google’s brainchild gBox — not to mention the increasing popularity of lossless compression formats.

Signs are pointing to mainstream listeners’ demand for better sound, so why are music player makers still cheaping out on critical sound quality helpers like headphone jacks and lossless compression codecs? A few companies were on the right track in the past — Apple even once proved that better audio quality doesn’t cut into profit margins much. What gives?

If you’ve ever used a set of headphones with and without a headphone amplifier, you’ll know that your cans or buds aren’t living up to their full potential without being driven well. When you get past stock earbuds (like those crappy iPod whities), it’s not just about loudness, it’s about detail, realism, and bass that’s so tight you can bounce a quarter off it.

When I test an MP3 player, I usually run the output through a computer to get a visual handle on how strong and balanced the audio is. Most players crap out in the bass, so headphones have to compensate, or you boost the bass artificially on the player — often turning it to mud. When you plug in headphones, that audio signal degrades even more depending on the strength of the tiny amplifier behind the headphone jack.

A former colleague of mine from my PC Magazine days, Bill Machrone, figured out that the first-generation iPod shuffle had a better headphone output than any other player on the market. I even tested one myself, and upshot is that the shuffle’s already unusually strong output didn’t even flinch when I plugged in some expensive cans that usually require the extra oomph of a headphone amp to sound good.

Apple never gave us a straight answer as to why they included that rockin jack on their lowest-end player. But it certainly didn’t seem to drive up the price of the iPod shuffle, so the part couldn’t have been very expensive, and it sure didn’t add anything significant to the size. Since then, Apple has never put that type of jack on any of its players.

Oh well, at least iPods support lossless compression — extremely high-quality digital files with no audible or measurable difference from what’s on a CD. And given how important a link in the audio chain the source (your digital music) is in the grand scheme of things, I’m shocked that more companies don’t make players that handle lossless.

There have been other great-sounding players in the past, like the Archos AV500 and the Sony NW-HD5 both of which had better-than-normal headphone jacks — though neither touched that of the iPod shuffle.And finding a player that does lossless compression is still on the tough side: Toshiba’s gigabeat S series and many players from Cowon are pretty much aside from iPods, though they all have the same cheap headphone outputs as everything else.

You can get a portable headphone amp like the HeadRoom Total BitHead and hook it up to your player for better sound. iPod users can use a SendStation Pocket Dock, which is a small adapter that outputs audio from the dock connector and gives you louder and fuller sound than what you get from the headphone output. You can then either plug that into a headphone amp or even plug headphones into the Pocket Dock (though you lose control over volume this last way).

But these all mean you’ve got to carry around extra stuff and spend more money than you’ve already dropped on your player and (hopefully) nice headphones. This should all be built into the MP3 players, especially since those are fast becoming the primary method of music listening.

Audio quality is about a strong chain from beginning (your digital music files) to end (headphones). Any weak link in between will take that precious sparkle and liveliness right out of your favorite tunes, leaving them sounding flat and dull.

And trust me, once you experience truly great sound, everything else begins to diminish the excitement of listening to music. Remember how you once thought 128Kbps MP3s sounded fine? Chances are, you’ve moved to a higher bit rate or even a lossless format since then, and if you listened to those low-quality files now, it’d be like hearing nails on a chalkboard.

The latest digital music news is that last week the Universal record label decided to “test” selling DRM-free tracks on RealNetworks’ Rhapsody, hot on the heels of EMI’s decision to drop copy protection from its downloadable catalog online. On the independent front, LimeWire — my favorite barely-legal way to get free stuff — is polishing up its shady reputation as a piracy pit by selling DRM-free 256Kbps MP3s, with big names like Barenaked Ladies, Avril Lavigne, and Sarah MacLachlan in the store window.

It’s a big circle: You’ll be able to buy your music and do what you want with it once again, just like in the nearly bygone days of the CD — the difference being that digital downloads give you more-or-less instant gratification. Phones, music players, and computers will be fully loaded with unrestricted content that can be shared at will.

Not everyone is thrilled about this idea, most notably the two remaining ultra-conservative labels, Warner Music Group and Sony BMG, who are clutching DRM in a death grip. Warner jumped all over AnywhereCD when the latter tried to sell DRM-less tracks from WMG’s catalog, and although they’ve dropped the lawsuits against each other, Warner’s music will be dropped from the service on September 30. So get your 192Kbps Metallica albums while they’re still unprotected! And Sony’s “anti-consumer” DRM missteps have been making headlines for years.

Unfortunately, it’s not just the recording industry making it difficult for digital music to live up to its potential. The three biggest stiflers of universal music sharing are music management software, audio file formats, and operating system support — things the major labels have very little control over. Sony has been an exception here, with its multifaceted existence as label, hardware manufacturer (Walkman phones and music players), and software maker (SonicStage), and music store (Sony Connect), though SonicStage is now dead, and the Connect store is about to go dark after a traumatically unsuccessful life.

Most music players from companies like Samsung, Creative, iRiver, and Microsoft still don’t support the AAC format or lossless compression — or Apple computers, which is just nutty if you think about who’s buying music players. This is one area where Sony seems to gotten in a lucky shot; its Walkman players have supported AAC for a while now. (Warning: When Sony is ahead of you in the MP3 player market these days, you know you’re doing something horribly wrong!)

Instead of nickel-and-diming on licensing fees — which is almost always the reason behind such asinine exclusions — hardware makers should shell out a few extra bucks for a better user experience through interoperability. Creative could use some of its $100 million settlement with Apple to forge some kind of working relationship between Zen music and video players and Macs and perhaps even iTunes.

Those costs could easily be absorbed by increased sales volume. More likely, though, that would be passed onto the consumer, but the tiny extra cost per unit ($10 at most) would hardly be a blip on most people’s radar, especially if you market the no-fuss-no-muss benefits of not leaving tons of potential customers out in the cold.

“Spend a little to make a little” probably isn’t much of an incentive for hardware makers to add a little versatility to their products and give them a fighting chance against Apple. But spending a little to make a lot should be pretty convincing.

It took me years to realize that maybe it’s not such a bad thing for people to listen to music without owning it, and it was my renewed interest in radio — both FM and Internet — that did it. Now I’m constantly checking out stuff at all these online spots and it’s definitely broadening my horizons. (Newsflash: Jazz Nerd Now Checks Out Indy Rock Bands!)

Remember radio? You don’t own the music, but you hear it for nothing and then you go and buy it if it rings your bell. Well Internet radio is alive and kicking, and it’s starting to play nice with portable players: Look at the happy marriages of SanDisk and Rhapsody, iRiver and Rhapsody, SanDisk and Yahoo, Sonos and Rhapsody, and so on.

For the iPod, though, it’s been lonely at the top. Apple is still holding out on the whole subscription service idea (a la Napster, Rhapsody, and Yahoo), preventing 80 percent of music player owners from getting new music regularly without having to do a term paper’s worth of research. Sure you can get an iPod Shuffle and constantly update the music on it automatically with random tracks from your own library.

There are other online sources of iPod-compatible digital music besides iTunes. But aside from eMusic, which has always done well with the iPod set thanks to its DRM-less MP3s), it’s tough to say how many iPod owners actually use them.

Slacker
One of the better things to come along in the Net radio universe is a Web radio service called Slacker, and the company is about to drop the Holy Grail of dedicated portable music devices. Prototypes are floating around out there, and they look frigging awesome: WiFi, 4-inch screen, I’m all for competition, but it would really kick ass if Apple got in on this early, because I’m starting to get sick of scrolling through my 80GB iPod to find something I haven’t listened to in a while.

Lala
This online CD shop lets you buy discs from other users for a fee. But you can upload your own iTunes library to Lala’s servers, whether your music was ripped or downloaded (as long as there’s no DRM). That means you can access your tunes from any Internet-connected computer, and even copy it directly to your iPod.

For about a month, Lala users were able to stream full-length tracks on-demand from one major label (Warner Music Group) for free — which was huge. But that service went dark; the company cited server overload, which I’m sure is true, but I suspect its immediate success (despite the unstable interface) may have scared some labels into backing out.

Other Freebies
There are always a few free offerings on iTunes and some free music download sites out there, though usually none of them has anything you’ve ever heard of. And then there’s SpiralFrog, a ballsy new ad-supported free download service with 700,000 tracks from the Universal record label (which is making headlines of its own). Of course, those tracks are in WMA format, so the iPod will once again be cut out of a free musical extravaganza.

DIY
While it would be great if there were a subscription service on iTunes, you can still “time-shift” Internet radio with recording programs like WireTap, which simply grab any sound your computer plays. If you’re really determined, you can even use an external sound card like M-Audio Transit USB and line the output back into the input and record analog. (People still tape stuff off the radio with tape recorders, and plenty of MP3 players have FM recording features.)

If the next significant generation of the iPod (not just a capacity bump or internal changes) turns out to have WiFi built in, which is still in question, Slacker would be the ideal partner for Apple to take over the digital airwaves and take iPod owners out of their boxes. Imagine being able to refresh your iPod wirelessly with music tailored to your tastes — though I’m certain “free” doesn’t fit into Apple’s vision.

Next year, portable wireless audio is finally going to stop sucking. With the advent of the next generation of Bluetooth and improvements in miniaturization techniques, not to mention ever-increasing efficiency in power consumption, we’re going to see some pretty hot ear candy in ‘08. Finally, Bluetooth audio will relinquish its crown as the world’s most annoying sound to this cartoon bird.

(Turn down your volume a bit before clicking that link above.)

Here’s how I felt about Bluetooth six months ago:

February 3, 2007

Dear Bluetooth,
I’m sorry to have to put this in a letter, but I feel it’s the only way I can express how I truly feel about you without getting hysterical. Okay, here goes: You’re just not living up to what I expect from you.

I wanted us to grow together as I found more excitement in the idea of low-power high-quality wireless audio, but you’re holding me back. I admit I listen to compressed MP3s sometimes, but your extra layer of compression and spotty synchronization only make things worse. When we hear music together, I like that it can be in stereo, but hearing crappy sound even in both ears still isn’t enough.

And I don’t mean to sound shallow, but when I’m out with you, everyone stares — not at me, but at you, with your blinking LEDs and your… size. You really should think about dropping a few half-inches, because it’s keeping me from being attracted to you. Speaking of which, you’ve really got to get better at pairing. I have real wireless needs!

I know your battery life just isn’t up to the task of being there for me consistently when I need you, but this is exhausting for both of us.

I hope we can work this out one day,
Mike

But now things are finally changing, and I’m starting to have feelings for Bluetooth again. That’s because it’s taking a few steps in the right direction towards fulfilling my wireless dreams.

On August 1, the Bluetooth Special Interest Group (SIG) unanimously approved the next version of the technology, Bluetooth 2.1+EDR. That lets headsets and other BT accessories and phones, or music players hook up and do their secret handshake faster. It also doesn’t sap as much energy from batteries (or me).

The same day, a company called Open Interface North America (OINA) broke out their new lossless Bluetooth compression technology called SoundAbout Lossless. If you’re familiar with lossless compression, you already know it’s a very good thing for sound quality. It lets a phone or music player or whatever transmit a signal that reaches its destination (headphones, headset, tin-foil hat, etc.) without losing any quality. But it still fits into the transmission bandwith Bluetooth 2.x+EDR makes available.

Bluetooth has long had the attention of midrange and high-end headphone companies, so all this should mean companies like Sennheiser, Shure, and Ultimate Ears will release wireless earbuds sometime before next summer, and possibly sooner. (Etymotic’s relatively unsuccessful attempt with the hilarious-looking Ety-8 will presumably be followed up with a better-sounding — and hopefully better-looking — second generation.) Not to mention what this’ll do things like Bluetooth speakers and wireless iPod transmitters.

I’m telling you, if I had a wireless version of a sick set of earbuds like Shure’s SE 420 or Ultimate Ears’ super.fi 5 Pro that didn’t make me look like I’m commanding a Starfleet… Let’s just say that’s my picket fence dream. I can almost taste it.

Here’s looking at you, Bluetooth. But please, ditch that blinking blue light.

This week: Computers, set-top boxes (like AppleTV), and AV
receivers are battling to be your household hub, streaming music and
movies back and forth across your pad until you become sterile and
glow in the dark. All this gear is versatile, but it’s hard to know
which one to pick — especially when hefty sums of money are involved.
Sonos and now Denon seem to have the most promising solutions, but
life is passing their equipment by while gadgets like the iPhone and
Archos’s 605 WiFi threaten to swoop in and take all.

If I can get my digital music from any place to any other place with
no wires in between and control it easily, I’m a happy audio geek.
But assuming you have a reasonably sized budget, how do you choose
among dedicated streaming hardware (Sonos, Squeezebox, etc.), Media
Center-type PCs, straight-up networking gear (AirPort Express,
Sondigo), and networked home stereo components?

At a press event the other day, Denon introduced some very cool
networked stereo gear that has a lot of potential, thanks to a TV-
screen interface that functions as your command center. But it’s
going to have a tough time competing with some of the stuff already
out there, not to mention what’s just on the horizon.

What’s new
Denon turned over its entire line of AV receivers for the first time
in 10 years, but the most noteworthy changes came at the top end:
Denon’s 5308CI ($5200) and 4308CI ($2500) both have built-in WiFi and
USB inputs for hard drives and some portable players. The WiFi is for
things like remote maintenance, multizone music distribution (similar
to Sonos), and Internet radio, and streaming music from an iPod (via
an optional $129 dock).

Of course, these aren’t the first WiFi receivers and won’t be the
last, but it does show that the big boys like Denon and Sony are
trying to retain the living room control they’d had in the pre-
wireless era. And other WiFi-capable stereo components are garnering
attention, like Olive’s line of high-end CD players, which can stream
music from anywhere on your network — or as I accidentally found out
back in my days in PC Magazine Labs, it can take down a swath of a
corporate network).

The hottest thing Denon introduced the other day, though, was an iPod
dock that also turns any stereo component into a wireless music
system. You just hook it up to your receiver and/or TV, and it can
access files from anywhere on your home network using your TV screen
as a navigation interface.

Impressive, but even with their reliance on handheld remotes, all of
these tether to your TV screen for browsing and controlling your music.

Best of what’s around
Sonos’s wireless digital music system and handheld controller (with a
big LCD and iPod-like scroll wheel) seems to hold the most promise in
terms of convenience, and the entry point there is $1000. It’s hard
to beat taking your music around with you and wirelessly controlling
it in every room in your home. But honestly, that controller is
pretty ridiculous to lug around while you’re hosting a party, and the
other remotes on my living room couch are scared of it.

Sonos is on the right track, but the controller could just as easily
be a bitchin’ WiFi music player (iPhone? 6G iPod?), not a big brick
with only a few more features than a paperweight. The current iPhone
could easily be rigged up to transmit signals to WiFi-capable gear
with a simple firmware upgrade — in fact, someone should do an
infrared transmitter attachment so you could use it to turn on your
TV! (Might as well… no one really talks on the iPhone
anyway, do they?)

What’s next
I remember being amazed 7 or 8 years ago when I saw a buddy of mine
take out his PDA and turn it into a fully customizable remote for the
TV set — it was brilliant! Where did this idea go? Hopefully into next-
gen music players from companies like Apple, Archos, iRiver, and
even Microsoft.

If you’re wondering whether you should make a big investment in a
wireless streaming audio setup, consider that in the next year or so,
the iPhone/iPod/Zune combined with something along the lines of
Apple’s AirPort Express or Denon’s new WiFi gear could be what keeps your digital music — and
probably video — pumping to every nook and cranny of your house.

The image above was created by Leah Perrotta, a Brooklyn-based artist and all-around lovely gal. Check out her stuff every week right here on the AudioFile, and Flickr.

I was riding my bike the other day, when I got a call from Apple. I pulled over to the curb, and by the time the light on the corner changed, an iPhone was on its way to my apartment. I hadn’t even requested one, yet 36 hours later, it arrived.

Sure enough, within an hour I was compulsively checking email and surfing the Web on it, like a kid picking at a mosquito bite.

I did pretty normal stuff with it: checked out the features, loaded it up with music and vids, and found a few things to gripe about. But some people out there are interested in doing more than just the basics with the iPhone.

I took my iPhone to my local pub so I could have a beer and check my horoscope online watch some YouTube clips. Within two minutes, some nutty-looking guy was asking me whether the iPhone sucks or not, and in return for my 15-second answer, he bought me a beer! Conclusion: The iPhone is not a chick magnet, but it can get you pretty drunk.

After a couple of beers, I started to get some funny ideas about things to do with my iPhone. For starters, I kept it in my back pocket for a night — my own special torture test — which resulted in a nice dent in the back of the casing after I sat on a stone ledge. But apparently, that’s just scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Here are the top ten (Homeland Security Department-approved) iPhone activities:

1. Rant about its effects on the mind to a bunch of teens.
Some woman escaped from her house full of cats to vigorously caution a bunch of teens against the dangers of the iPhone. Note the intensity of the teens’ response… not to mention the lady’s awareness of how insane she appears. This video makes me feel uncomfortable the same way watching Jerry Springer does.

2. Blend it.
This clip of the host of Will It Blend pureeing an iPhone has already achieved an infinite number of clicks — twice! It disturbs me that the guy isn’t wearing a protective mask when he opens the blender and black smoke from the ruptured battery begins to pour out. I’m proud to say I resisted the urge to try out my own recently purchased blender to make iPhone margaritas.

3. Start stealing random things when you see an iPhone.
You know it’s a slow news day when the news itself becomes news. Someone steals a news reporter’s microphone as she interviews one of the early iPhone testers. Would’ve been nice to have had a secondary camera to catch the beatdown — which should have been for not snatching the iPhone instead.

4. Worry that it might destroy society.
And now a word from Dr. Bruce Weinstein, of BusinessWeek’s Contradictory Statement Department: “Our social fabric is in danger of being ripped to shreds as we swap electronic connection for personal relationships. The very nature of community depends upon us being connected to one another.” I’d prefer not to think of Steve Jobs having the power to bring about the end of civilization, but he can be pretty impressive at times.

5. Eat it.
The iPhone, eaten raw, doesn’t quite have the same kick to it unless you blend it. Or at least make it out of cake.

6. Beat the hell out of it to show it how tough you are.
Ars Technica did a “stress test” on the iPhone. They keyed it, they slashed it, they tossed it on the ground. The person in the video does it all so casually — I bet the sequel features flower-stomping and puppy-kicking. Just wait until the next version of the iPhone comes out, complete with defenses like thorns and laser beams.

7. Make a musical about it.
David Pogue’s musical about the iPhone was definitely the most f-ed up thing I’d seen on the day it came out. Like Flashdance, however, its day in the sun was short and sweet.

8. Use it as a justification for your conspiracy theories.
Not sure how I found this one, but it’s a pretty strange connection this guy’s trying to make: Apple’s video tutorials on how to use the iPhone show some news headlines from NYtimes.com on the phone’s screen. Somehow that means Apple has a political agenda. I was skeptical at first, but Apple doesn’t usually make marketing decisions lightly. Maybe Jobs is building up his presidential platform for 2012?

9. Use it to replace a human heart.
An artificial heart with CoverFlow — Dr. Robert Jarvik has nothing on Steve Jobs! Seems like it might work better as a brain transplant though.

10. Dress your kid up as one.
(Sigh.) It won’t be long before iPhone addiction becomes a diagnosable disorder. Looking for the root of the problem? Look no further.

Just don’t refer to it in your… err… home videos–no one thinks that’s hot.

It’s crystal clear that the Internet holds the future of radio. But there’s no reason social networking sites, Web radio, and music subscription services shouldn’t all be part of the killer app for music discovery, but mobility is still a major limiting factor. Now that we’re in the iPhone era, the hardware exists for removing mobility as an obstacle.

Satellite radio companies XM and Sirius have a combined 14 million users, and their merger is still in regulatory limbo. Talk about a great idea that was essentially squashed by industry forces. But Web radio is looking to step in to fill the void, despite having a brush with the U.S. Copyright Royalty Commission, which is trying to make it more expensive to broadcast songs on the ‘Net. (Thankfully, SoundExchange has announced it will not enforce the rate hike that was scheduled to begin next week.)

The big news this week is that CBS-owned Last.fm just added Sony BMG’s entire catalog to its arsenal, giving its roughly 20 million users access to streaming music from all but one of the major labels. That’s pretty impressive, and it makes Last.fm the largest Internet radio service in the world.

Last.fm is a pretty hot service if you’ve never used it; the service’s unique recommendation system (called “scrobbling”) creates instant radio stations by keeping track of what you listen to most often — including tracks in your own music management software and even on your MP3 player. Privacy issues aside, it makes for a pretty mean music discovery platform, and you can opt out if you’re paraniod. The social networking features (inviting friends, making recommendations, and seeing what others are listening to) are what give it potential to deliver on what the Microsoft Zune promised in terms of sharing.

But something’s still missing: You can’t take any of that content with you when you head out for the day. (Last.fm does provide links to Amazon.com for tracks you’re listening to — but only so you can buy the physical CD!)

I asked Matt Graves from RealNetworks’ Rhapsody service if Rhapsody would ever get into social networking, since it really adds a lot of value to online music. While he couldn’t give me specifics, he did confirm that “we plan to get into the social networking side of online music. […] We’re going to be doing some things on this front with Rhapsody in the coming months — so stay tuned.”

With regards to the success of sites like Imeem and Last.fm, he contends that “social networking is just one aspect of it. In our mind you need to be able to combine solid curation, the wisdom of the crowd, and unlimited access to music. THAT is the killer app.” I think he’s right there, but I also believe it’s critical to take all that into today’s mobile world.

Companies like Microsoft, MusicGremlin, and SanDisk have experimented with various methods of getting music lovers to discover and share music using dedicated music players with wireless capabilities. But none of them really swung for the fences.

Devices like the iPhone are changing this landscape, giving users access to broadband wherever they are. (Yes, I know the iPhone uses the slow EDGE network, but it won’t always be that way.) If Apple partnered with Last.fm and integrated it into the iPhone — and with the iTunes store — it seems like everyone would benefit. Apple’s iPhone-centric parternship with YouTube gives me hope for something like this.

Connecting like-minded users via social networking, letting them listen to and rate virtually limitless content for free even when they’re on the go, recommending new music effectively, and giving them the opportunity to capture that music and take it with them… It may sound too good to be true, but it’s only a matter of time before it’s a reality.

(The illustration above was created by Leah Perrotta, a Brooklyn-based artist and all-around lovely gal. See more of her work here.)

It’s 8AM. Your iHome iPod alarm clock gently rouses you from sleep with a thumping rendition of Wham’s Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. As you groove your way out of bed, you grab your iPod from the alarm clock and slip it into your iPod-ready boxer shorts or panties, heading for the bathroom.

In the john, you transfer your iPod from your skivvies to your iCarta toilet paper dispenser so you can rock out on the crapper as you read the latest issue of Macworld. Flush, and you’re ready to clean those pearly whites with your musical toothbrush. While it’s not iPod-compatible, it does play roughly two minutes of songs like We Will Rock You by Queen. A real iPod toothbrush can’t be far behind.

Time to scrub away the previous night’s partying. Grabbing the iPod from the TP dispenser-dock, you fire up the shower and shove your iPod into your iPod shower radio with fog-free mirror. Ignoring your neighbors’ insistent reminders that the shower is not a karaoke bar, you croon along with Bobby Darin until you’re all clean and ready for action. The iPod goes into a fresh pair of iBoxers, and it’s time to dress for success.

You pick out a versatile outfit for the day, including an iPod t-shirt and a dress shirt and tie from Thomas Pink–each of which have compartments specifically for iPods. Then you slip on your iPod-controlling jacket, and you’re on your way to work so you can afford your iPod accessory habit.

You get your James Brown on while you annoy the crap out of your fellow commuters ride the bus or train to work and then put in a solid day at the office–thanks partly to the portable iPod speaker/dock on your desk. At the end of the day, your commute home is blissfully groovy, thanks to a little Prince and some noise-isolating headphones.

Arriving home, you kick off your shoes and make another quick iPod switch as you plop down in your iChair for a little R&R (rock and relaxation, natch). After a few refreshing tunes, your stomach begins to make some noise of its own, so you head into the kitchen for some chow. Snatching your iPod out of the iChair, you sprint into the kitchen and jam it into your under-cabinet iPod dock so you only miss a beat or two while you cook.

Once your post-dinner food coma wears off, you’ve got a little nightlife on your mind. You cruise down to the local pub in your Mini Cooper, being sure to bring your iBreath iPod breathalyzer so you can keep a digital eye on your drinking, especially after tying one pretty hard the other night. Luckily, it’s got a built-in FM transmitter too, so you can continue enjoying those Lindsey Lohan tracks in your car.

A couple of drinks and a few lame conversations later, you and a new friend head back to your place (after a quick blow into the iBreath to be sure you’re cool to drive) for a nightcap… and maybe a little lovin’. What better way to impress your lover than with iPod sex toys? The Talk2Me is one hot little number that comes with a wireless transmitter so you can incorporate your iPod into your lusty late-night moves. (Just make sure you turn off shuffle mode–nothing’s more embarrassing than having a vibrator buzzing along to P-Funk, and then all of a sudden Barry Manilow comes on.)

At the very end of the night, as you drift off to sleep, you quietly slip your iPod into your Australian New Zealand-designed Pause bed, complete with iPod dock and Bose speaker system. A little Enya carries you off to dreamland with the security of knowing that your iPod is close by, charged up and ready for the weekend.

I wonder how much connectivity is too much. Sure, we’re all music lovers to some extent, but the iPod seems to have reached disturbingly far into our lives. It’s getting kind of creepy–though not as creepy as the idea of having a subdermal iPod so you can bop along no matter what else you happen to be doing (except crossing the street, of course).

Uh-oh… I think I left my iPod in the john.

Jobs’s articulate plea to the Big Four labels to allow sales of un-DRM’ed content at online music stores is a masterpiece of wildly spun logic. The idea that since CD sales still make up 90 percent of record labels’ revenue so what’s the point of squabbling over a mere 10 percent is very short-sighted. He blatantly overlooks the fact that CD sales are declining, and digital downloads are increasing.

The media loves to point out that digital downloads aren’t compensating for tanking CD sales. To expect digital downloads and CD sales to remain in some kind of perfect balance, with downloads stepping in to fill the gap seamlessly, is foolish. Downloads really will replace CDs–just not until technology like DRM ceases to be a factor in purchasing decisions.

As Torgeir Waterhouse of the Norwegian Consumer Council astutely points out, Jobs goes on to turn the whole issue on its head by stating iPod owners are not locked into [the] iTunes Music Store–the issue our complaint [addresses] is of course the opposite, iTunes Music Store customers are locked to the iPod.”

Waterhouse then turns it around yet again and says it’s Apple’s responsibility to axe DRM rather than that of the labels. “It’s Apple and [the] iTunes Music Store [that] should be addressing the issue of record companies and DRM themselves if it needs to be addressed.” C’mon. If Steve un-DRM’s the music, he’ll either be sued into oblivion for breaching his contract with the devil majors, or they’ll pull their catalogs and cost Steve a huge chunk of change.

Equally outlandish is the RIAA’s response (via the LA Times): “Apple’s offer to license FairPlay to other technology companies is a welcome breakthrough and would be a real victory for fans, artists and labels.” Apparently the herb over there at the RIAA is potent enough to cause them to hallucinate. Steve made no such offer–he said opening up FairPlay would mean Apple “can no longer guarantee to protect the music it licenses from the big four music companies.”

How can the majors be persuaded to give up a $2B annual business that they’re grooming to be their bread and butter within the next 5 years as physical media disappear? Part of that money comes from un-DRM’d music, but that’s a small slice of the pie. Besides, for all Steve’s pandering to consumers, he does point out that in the current DRM situation “customers are being well served with a continuing stream of innovative products and a wide variety of choices.”

One major thing that’s being overlooked in the DRM debate is that the RIAA isn’t really interested in DRM to prevent piracy now. If they were, they’d attack CDs with the same vigor as digital music. They’re interested in getting the DRM system going for the future precisely so they can avoid what happened with CDs.

Am I saying that DRM is not only here to stay, it’s going to be pervasive? Yup. But as I’ve written before, the landscape will change because the majors eventually realize that consumers want the rights to not just a single file, but to a song, a la what Navio is trying to do.

You’ll pay more than current prices, but it’ll still be (marginally) cheaper than buying CDs, and you’ll be able to download songs in whatever DRM format you need, whenever you need them. You’ll still be subject to limitations like how many devices or computers you can play the files back on, but it’s a lot better than being locked into a single player depending on where you buy music. This eliminates the need for Apple to open up FairPlay, too.

Think this’ll push people to illegal downloads? Maybe, but according to the NPD Group, “In the US, lawsuits were the most cited reason by computer users for changing from unauthorised P2P to legal downloading.” So far and there’ve been 10,000 lawsuits against file-sharers in 18 countries. Now we now where all that money we’ve been paying for music is going….

Let me know what you think about this topic in the forum section below!